Statisticians estimate that about half to almost 95 percent of all cheaters claim emotional unhappiness as the primary reason for cheating on their spouses. Not to say your husband is cheating, but if he has a female friend who is always calling, what can you do?!
Recent years have seen an increase in the amount of attention given to a rising problem known as emotional infidelity, a non-sexual but still worrisome tendency among couples coping with infidelity.
It’s understandable that you don’t trust your spouse, and with good cause; but, he may not trust you in the same way, in the sense that he may not trust your ability to recognise his truth if he were to communicate it with you honestly.
There is a distinction between privacy and secrecy in terms of their connection.
What may have begun as a private exchange of text messages between friends has now been transformed into a secret relationship, not necessarily because he is doing anything wrong, but rather because of something happening between the two of you.
So what can you do if your husband has a female friend that keeps calling? Is it normal for him to be so close to another woman? Or could something more sinister be going on…
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When A Woman Is Constantly Calling Your Husband
They Are Simply Friends
Even though you are married, you have to realise that both of you should have life and friends nonetheless.
If he’s talking to this friend a lot, a problem arises.
It is very common for us to advise our friends frequently; some people talk to their friends all day, everyday.
But if he’s writing more with her than texting with you, that may be a red flag. Why does he always have to talk to her?
Is she always calling and texting him and he isn’t receptive? Or are they talking all day everyday?
There’s no real reason I can think of for a married man to be talking to a female friend constantly.
A Woman Is Constantly Trying To Text Him
Your husband may be just reacting to a woman who is continuously messaging him. He may be innocent while he is in the process of conversing with another female friend.
Even if she is attempting to track him down, he may be unaware of her efforts.
As a rule, men lack the intuition to recognize situations like these, and they may mistakenly believe that this woman is nice or needs his assistance.
He may choose to keep these messages hidden from you if he is concerned that you will suspect anything is going on, but in most cases, your husband will be honest with you since he sees nothing wrong with what is going on in his life.
Of course, as women, we are sensitive to the needs of other women and can detect when someone is trying to seduce our spouses.
However, unless he responds in a similar manner to the tone of her messages, your spouse isn’t really to a fault in this kind of scenario.
But he should be held responsible for setting boundaries with this woman and not letting the situation go any further.
What To Do When Female Friend Keeps Calling
We often assume that men are similar to us in many respects, but this is not the case. They won’t read our minds or comprehend the issue until we explain it to them.
Also, particularly when it comes to the men in our life and their unfaithfulness, women may be ready to rush to conclusions. This is particularly true if you have previously been cheated on or had bad relationships.
When you decide to speak to your spouse about what’s going on, make sure you don’t aggressively confront him. Make sure you don’t point the finger at him or accuse him of anything.
When someone has been accused of anything without having the chance to explain themselves, no one responds favorably or honestly.
People who have been deceived are often so upset and anxious that they lack interest in the person who has wronged them. Similarly, they’re so consumed with rage and self-righteousness that they’ve lost interest in themselves.
If, instead of arguing about your husband’s texts, you can take a step back and try to understand why this friendship is important to him; what he gains from it that he may be lacking in other areas of his life (perhaps feeling seen and understood; feeling respected and enjoyed?); why he feels he has to keep it hidden from you; and how your requests that he end it affect his feelings.
Now, understanding doesn’t mean accepting. You can see where the holes in your marriage are but that doesn’t mean allowing this friendship to continue if it is a threat to your marriage.
Inquire if you’ve been able to stand back and analyze why his platonic communications (assuming you’ve seen them and they aren’t sexual) are so upsetting or hazardous to you (maybe you wish you had this easy connection with him, too?)
Are you able to redirect your attention away from his messages and onto what you can do to improve your connection with him instead?
If your stance is: Stop calling or I’ll leave. Idle threats don’t always work—they may seem to fix the problem, but they frequently only push the underlying problem underground. It will create more resentment and secrets.
Ultimatums won’t address the real issue (whatever’s going on in your marriage) that led to this dilemma in the first place (lying about the messages). And it’s the real issue that has to be addressed.
All of this is to suggest that it’s possible that your spouse is crossing a boundary and isn’t telling you about it, or that he isn’t, and your expectations are just driving him away.
In any case, unless you achieve a better knowledge of his calls, you won’t be able to discuss it that will be beneficial to you individually or as a relationship.
First, you must ask and answer the kind of questions I stated before while allowing each other the space to be completely honest with yourself and each other.
Allowing space for the truth by allowing it in can help you build trust and intimacy in your marriage.
And once there’s more room for the truth, both sides will have more compassion and understanding, which will help you get out of your respective corners and solve the texting stalemate.
All you have to do now is get him to understand what’s going on and what she wants from him.
As I previously said, he may not have understood what she was trying to say. I’m sure pointing out that she’s attempting to get on his nerves would get him to turn it off right away.
Does She Want Your Husband?
Maybe the relationship is completely platonic on your husbands side, but if the other woman’s intentions aren’t as innocent, the relationship needs to come to an end.
Your husband needs to set some boundaries. If she doesn’t respect the boundaries, he needs to stop picking up her calls and put an end to this ‘friendship.’
If he is reluctant to do this for whatever reason, there could be more to the story than he’s letting on.
At the end of the day, maybe she just needs someone to talk to but she can’t be calling a married man 24/7. She knows that is crossing a line and she doesn’t care to disrespect you and your marriage in doing so.
The Bottom Line
I truly hope that this has assisted you in determining the reason why your husband is messaging another woman and what action you should take in response.
Marriages are HARD and navigating these sticky situations can be difficult for everyone involved. Be understanding but be firm and let your husband know how this woman is making you feel uncomfortable.
Need Extra Help?
If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.
Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
Enjoyed this? Make sure to check these out next:
My Husband Is In Love With Another Woman But Wants To Stay With Me (12 TIPS!)
How To Tell If Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore (12 PAINFUL SIGNS)