Respect is the cornerstone of healthy relationships.
If your husband has been telling you that you don’t respect him, that’s something worth looking into.
Maybe he’s right or maybe he isn’t, but either way you will have to take some action.
You have to get to the bottom of this and understand if his accusations are valid or if you are dealing with a toxic situation.
At the end of the day, sometimes we think we’re respectful but that isn’t how it’s received on the other end.
We have to be really open and honest with ourselves. Is our tone rude? Our we being as loving as we can be? These are all genuine questions we need to ask ourselves…
If you don’t know how to approach this difficult topic, we have some tips to get you started…
Feeling Like You’ll Never Come Back From This?
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Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
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Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
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When Your Husband Says You Don’t Respect Him
Try To Understand Him
If he says you don’t respect him, he must be able to share some reasons why he thinks that. Some valid reasons might be because you are busy and don’t pay him any attention.
Or maybe you are cold and mean to him.
Maybe his reasons are totally nonsensical, like saying you don’t respect him because you are a bad housewife. Understand where he is coming from so that you can understand how to approach the situation.
Depending on the reasoning there are two main ways to approach things.
If He’s Toxic, Consider Leaving
Let’s get the tough stuff out of the way.
Unfortunately, a lot of men are inclined to believe that respect means being a submissive housewife.
That you need to cook, clean, satisfy him and that’s about it. If his reasoning is reminiscent of this way of thinking, you should seriously consider dumping him.
That is toxic behavior and you shouldn’t try to change minds that far gone.
You are better off without him. These are the people who think women are beneath men and therefore they should be quiet and listen.
That’s not something you want to deal with forever. If his reasoning is not extreme, just a bit archaic and old-school, then you have a chance to get through to him.
In that case, you might want to choose communication over immediate dumping.
Improve Communication
The idea that you might be disrespecting him probably comes from miscommunication issues.
Maybe some things you view as being normal, like working for hours on end, he views as not ok. If he ever tells you that you don’t respect him anymore, ask him for specific examples and situations.
He might describe things that you need to work on, like being less messy, or less angry.
But it could be a misunderstanding. Maybe you have been less affectionate lately, but touch is his love language and he feels forgotten when you don’t do it.
As you discuss why he feels disrespected, you might learn some new things about him and what he needs.
And he will understand why you act the way you act and figure out you aren’t actually disrespecting him.
Respect His Boundaries
Many issues in relationships stem from a lack of boundaries or from someone ignoring them.
One reason why your husband might feel disrespected is that you are pushing his limits. He might be triggered by yelling and anger.
In that case, if you come home angry every day, it’s no wonder why he feels disrespected.
You might want to adjust your behavior to make sure you know his limits and respect them. If needed, have a discussion and make adjustments to your boundaries. If you don’t have clear boundaries, have a conversation and set some in place right away.
Make Time For Him
Sometimes in relationships, people get so tangled up in work and other activities, that they forget to cherish their marriage.
After a few years of living together, this can occur without you having any malicious intent.
You might be so focused on yourself, that you are disrespecting your husband’s needs.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t work or you shouldn’t go after that promotion. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have your own life and accomplishments. Don’t get it twisted. You should pursue whatever you want.
But marriage means you willingly and knowingly made a commitment. You chose him knowing you will have to make sacrifices to make it work.
If you find yourself leaving in the morning, coming home late at night, and barely interacting with him, don’t be surprised he feels disrespected.
Try making changes to resolve this issue.
Be Open And Honest
Oftentimes people feel disrespected because they feel lied to.
In relationships, this is especially problematic, because not being open can hurt the trust between you two.
Maybe you go out without letting him know, or make plans and lie to him about them.
Whatever it is, if for some reason you are lying, understand that it is not ok. Honesty is key to respect between two people, and it is immoral to not act like that with your husband.
Be Supportive
People need to know others believe in them. If you have stopped being supportive, that might make him feel disrespected.
Sometimes people in marriages stop being there physically and emotionally for their significant others.
As you reach a certain routine in your life, you might forget to check in on his needs. You might forget to ask how his life is and how he feels.
Remember to make the effort to be present in your relationship rather than acting as a bystander.
Make conscious efforts to be a pillar for him and don’t expect him to deal with everything alone.
Whatever he needs, make sure he knows you’re there for him. Acting cold and not helping him is a clear sign of disrespect, so try to avoid being like that.
Go To Counseling
If everything else fails and you don’t understand why he thinks you aren’t respecting him, go to counseling. Respect is very personal, and people view it subjectively.
It might be hard to reach a consensus about what’s going on without help.
An objective third party will be much better equipped to help you.
In Conclusion
Respect is a touchy and tricky subject. When your man tells you that you aren’t respecting him, you have to be careful.
This might be a red flag and he might actually be toxic. In that case, consider dumping him.
If that’s not the case and his concerns are valid, make sure to have healthy communication.
Try to work on what you are doing wrong and be attentive to his needs and boundaries.
Need Extra Help?
If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.
Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
Enjoyed this? Make sure to read these next:
How To Tell If Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore (12 PAINFUL SIGNS)
What To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman (10 TIPS!)
Why Does My Husband Always Correct Me? (12 Ways To Handle This!)