Why Does My Husband Always Correct Me? (12 Ways To Handle This!)

Marriages can quickly become a roller-coaster ride once the honeymoon period is over.

Once it’s over, the spouses need to make adjustments they never thought they would be making.

One common problem is handling an overly corrective spouse. Let’s be specific—overly corrective husbands. Why do some husbands always correct their spouses?

Typically, husbands who are always correcting their spouses do it because they may have a superiority complex or an urge to control their spouse. It could also just be their social conditioning, they may have been brought up in a household where they were always told they were right.

An overly-corrective spouse can look very differently but can be infuriating nonetheless –

‘That’s not what happened, let me tell you the real story’ (Interrupting and calling you a liar in front of friends)

‘We got late because Anna took ages to get ready’ (Unnecessary declaration in a gathering)

‘No Anna, there was no need to take that turn’ (Sitting in the car with two other friends)

‘Ohh! She can act weird most of the times’ (Jokingly making remarks over something in front of others)

No matter what you do, they will try to criticize how you did it or the outcomes you got. The worst part is if they choose to do it publicly.

The end result of any such behavior will be frustration and anger of the other spouse, which leaves the marriage on a slippery slope.

There will be frequent fights, peace of mind will get at stake, and the relationship will eventually suffer.

Before trying to figure out how to handle such situations, let’s address why some men behave this way

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Reasons Why Husbands Become Overly Corrective of Their Spouses in Public

Being critical of the spouse comes from many deep-rooted psychological problems. Some men want to exercise control, while others may only have instilled condescension in their personalities as they have seen it around them during childhood. Here are some of the most common reasons for such behaviour:

Urge to Control the Spouse

Unfortunately, the men who are correcting their wives in public have instilled a sense of control in their minds. They want to see everything done their way. 

They may believe themselves to be the perfectionists who are only ‘helping’ their wives to ‘improve’. The fact though is that they are just ruining the relationship.

Many overly corrective husbands would never realize that their behaviour negatively impacts their partner’s mind. 

In their bubble, they think that they are better at handling day-to-day affairs, which their wives can end up messing up, hence the constant criticism.

The behavior may also stem from the belief in many cultures that the wife is inferior to the husband and she needs to follow whatever he demands.

Social Conditioning

Men who always choose criticism for their spouses have been influenced by an authoritative figure during their childhood. The figure can be a parent or an elder sibling who exercised excessive control over the man.

They start mirroring the same behaviour as they grow up, and the spouse is the most convenient target for them. However, they can continue the same behaviour with their children as well because that’s how they have been treated in their childhood.

Superiority Complex

Sometimes an overly corrective husband looks down upon their spouse. They feel that the spouse is not capable enough to handle life. That’s when they start taking charge of everything and start correcting their spouses at every step of life.

The arrogant behaviour comes from a superiority complex (which usually develops in response to feelings of inadequacy). Anyone going through this complex will see themselves as a superior human being who is better than others.

Ultimately, the complex will urge such men to be more critical of their spouses.

Fear of Bad Decision Making

Sometimes your spouse may get too critical to avoid adverse outcomes in a situation. They may have experienced something too negative while they chose a particular way of doing things, so they may only want to warn you not to repeat the mistake.

However, if the criticism revolves only around petty issues, it may be an attempt of provocation and no precaution.

For that situation, here are some ways to handle the criticism without entering into conflict:

Tips to Handle an Always Corrective Husband

Start Confronting

Most of the time, men with overly corrective behavior will not realize that they are damaging the marriage. To counter that, a wife must start confronting their behaviour. One way to approach the problem is to get a counter-narrative every time. However, that may end up in a heated conversation, causing much more damage.

The other way is to wait for a time when both the parties are in a relaxed state. It may be before bed or during a meal. 

Pick that time and communicate about how hurt or bad you felt when you got criticized in public. 

As a next step, communicate about the reactions of the people around you and make your spouse realize that his behaviour is damaging your image.

The only thing to remember is that you should not let days pass between the odd behaviour and the talk session. The impact will be much higher if you choose a time right after a correction episode happens.

Set Boundaries at the Earliest:

Nipping something in the bud may seem challenging in a marriage. You may keep leveraging and defending your spouse’s behaviour. ‘Ohh! It only happened because he had a tough work day’ or ‘He will realize that it hurt me and not repeat it. 

This approach will harm you in many ways. Your spouse will treat it as something acceptable for you. So, before the behaviour turns into a habit, let your spouse know that you’re not ok with his public criticism. 

At first, it may lead to another heated argument, but still, you should stick to your boundaries and keep reminding them. Make him realize that if he continues to stick to his behaviour, he may face a consequence.

Look Out for the Context:

If your husband behaves in an overly corrective manner in front of specific people, he may be doing it under peer pressure. Sometimes men tend to be critical of their spouses in front of their families, or they may feel insecure with their work colleagues.

In such contextual situations, they may start correcting you at every little step to get validation from the people around you.

You need to identify the context that triggers criticism and counter him then and there (without entering an argument). The next tip is related to how you can do it without entering a fight.

Handle the Situation with a Light-Hearted Comment:

While it may sound tough to keep calm in such situations, anger will only cause more damage. So, instead of anger, handle the problem by making a light-hearted comment about his remarks.

For example, if he says, ‘No Anna, there was no need to take that turn,’ you can ask him to drive back home because, after all, you’re a much more inexperienced driver than him.

This way, you will not only save yourself from an argument but will give the ego boost he was looking for.

Choose Silent Treatment if Necessary

If your husband is otherwise good with you but only chooses public criticism for any reason, start giving him silent treatment right after an episode occurs.

Avoid talking to them to make them realize that their behaviour didn’t sit well with you. If the criticism was not intentional or was not a form of inflicting mental abuse, your partner will eventually pick up the cue.

Record the Situation

If you can record the whole verbal episode through a voice recorder, it will help you evaluate the whole situation later. You can play it when you’re out of the negative situation and see who was at fault.

Sometimes, what you see as criticism may be a reaction to your own words. Listening to a conversation when you’re back to normal will help you realize the situational loopholes. If you find that you were at fault, make an honest apology.

If by doing this you conclude that your spouse was at fault, make them listen to the recording and ask them to infer.

Again, if your spouse is not doing it on purpose, he will rectify his mistake.

Work For Developing Emotional Intimacy

With constant challenges in daily lives, spouses usually start getting distant. Assess your relationship’s standing by asking yourself a few questions:

• When was the last time you two talked with each other on a subject that mutually interests you?
• Do you discuss your problems with your spouse anymore?
• Have you worked on active listening lately?

If all these questions are difficult to answer, understand that there’s an emotional hitch between the two of you that leads to certain abnormal behaviours.

You can start working on nurturing the bond to limit undesired behaviors of your spouse.

You can achieve the goal by setting a time for daily discussions that will not revolve around things that trigger anyone of you.

Keep a Check on Your Body Language

While undue criticism can be hard to digest, things will only aggravate if you start responding the same way. One thing that we ignore during arguments is our body language. If we choose a triggering body language such as an eye roll or crossing arms, that may lead to more negativity.

It may be hard but practice staying neutral with your body language when your spouse starts public criticism. It will signal that his remarks do not affect you as much as he wants (if he is doing it on purpose), and he will eventually quit.

Don’t Take It Personal Every Time

Not every situation needs rapid action. You can behave passively through the whole episode, not paying heed to the words just spoken out by him.

Always keep in mind that people who are overly critical of others usually deal with low self-esteem, which leads to odd social behaviours.

It’s not your fault, and you don’t need to rectify mistakes every time. So, keep your calm during such situations thinking about helping your spouse instead of attacking them immediately.

Another aspect is that if you keep taking the criticism personally, it will allow your spouse to use it as a tool to provoke you. Don’t give that chance.

Practice Being Non-Defensive

If you start defending yourself every time your husband criticizes you, it will signal that you’re wrong most of the time. It gives the impression that you made a mistake and are now trying to fix it.

In most cases, however, constant criticism is not the fault of the inflicted party. It comes from a mind that needs help and fixing itself. So, stop taking the blame, and start working on some boundaries.

Involve Friends or Family

If your husband has a friend whom he confides in, tell them your situation and how it affects you mentally. You can ask them for a polite invasion to settle matters between you and your husband, but avoid getting into petty details while asking around for help.

Other than friends, you can always involve a family member who influences your husband. Keep the point of not disclosing unnecessary personal details here as well, though.

Ask Your Spouse For Couple Counseling:

As the last step, if everything seems to fail, convince your spouse to involve psychological help. Both of you can take counselling sessions to settle down conflicts and better understand the other party. 

A positive invasion often does wonders for the people who are struggling in their relationships, so always keep the door open for counselling.

In Conclusion..

Being with someone who doesn’t value your feelings can be extremely difficult. One such type of people is those who love to criticize their spouses for every move they make. However, such people should be treated with kindness, not with resentment, because they need your help, not your anger.

Who could be a better option to show kindness than to your husband? All those vows ask some serious commitment, but things settle down if you take the right actions at the right time.

The criticism may be coming from a childhood that did not nurture positive behaviours or emotional baggage that your spouse could not settle. In any case, these tips will help you tone down your feelings and their overly critical behavior with some firm yet positive steps. Good luck!

Need Extra Help?

If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.

Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.