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How To Deal With Husband’s Ex-Girlfriend (10 TIPS!)

Everyone’s got a past. When you marry someone, you accept those parts of them. But that can be hard to do, especially when past lovers are involved. This is even more true if your husband continues to have a platonic relationship with an ex today. 

Even if his ex-girlfriend is nice and respectful, you might struggle to interact with her and may dislike thoughts of her. How can you manage this? Here’s how to deal with your husband’s ex-girlfriend. 

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How To Deal With Husbands Ex-Girlfriend

Communicate With Your Husband

Communicate With Your Husband

If you have issues with your husband’s ex-girlfriend, they might have sprung up because of how they interact. Does that sound like the case? If so, you’ll need to talk to your husband about your discomfort.

Explain how their interactions make you feel. Then, listen to his communication about why he interacts with her this way. Get clarity on what the nature of their current relationship is.

Ideally, this communication will allow you to develop a better understanding of each other. From here, you can find a compromise or agreement. This will ensure you feel comfortable and your husband can still have his friendship.

Maintain Clear Boundaries 

Maintain Clear Boundaries 

Your husband’s ex-girlfriend is not his partner. At most, now, she’s just a friend. This means that she and your husband must behave appropriately for a platonic relationship.

If he wouldn’t behave a certain way towards his buddies, he shouldn’t behave that way towards his ex.

There are also likely additional lines on top of that which shouldn’t be crossed due to the bond they once had. You and your husband should work out and agree upon certain boundaries as far as his interactions with her go.

If those boundaries get crossed, then he needs to either cut her out or you need to leave.

Find A Safe Venting Space

Find A Safe Venting Space

No matter how well you deal with your husband’s ex in person, your emotions might still be in turmoil. In that situation, it’s a good idea to talk about what you feel in a safe environment.

Being able to air out what you feel prevents building resentment and can help keep your head clear and level.

But going to your husband to complain may not be the best option. He might feel like he’s being accused of something or feel pressured to respond a certain way. So try venting to friends or family members.

Make it clear that you just want to express your emotions without judgment. If you need further space to vent, you can write in a journal or even see a counselor. 

Consider Your Reactions

Consider Your Reactions

Has your husband’s ex-girlfriend become the subject of conflict in your marriage? Consider how you react to anything involving her. Do you respond with impulsive emotion? Do you immediately become jealous the second you remember she exists? 

Don’t forget that the way you react to situations can make or break the outcome. The next time you feel triggered into a reaction, stop, take a deep breath, and consider a more productive response. 

Don’t Compare Yourself To Her

Don't Compare Yourself To Her

You might wonder how you measure up to your husband’s ex. You may be tempted to compare yourself to her. Who’s prettier? More successful? Are you more easily annoyed than her? Was she more flirty than you are now?

But these comparisons are ultimately toxic and don’t do anything helpful. They’ll just make you feel insecure and you’ll want constant validation and assurance from your husband. This isn’t healthy! Your husband married you for a reason.

You’re the person he’s chosen to spend the rest of his life with, not her. That’s all the comparison that you need!

Trust Your Husband

Trust Your Husband

Has your husband given you any reason to doubt his loyalty to you? If not, then keep the trust going and don’t go snooping or challenging him without reason.

Your husband wants to know that you believe in his faithfulness, and besides, trust is central to a healthy marriage. You shouldn’t let his ex dictate toxicity in your current relationship!

Be Cordial 

Be Cordial 

It’s tempting to be snappy with your husband’s ex. But unless she’s doing something negative to you, is that really the level you want to stoop to?

Acting like a grown adult and being cordial is the bare minimum when it comes to healthy interactions with others. You don’t have to like your husband’s ex.

You just have to treat her with the same niceness you’d afford a stranger. Be the bigger person!

Stop Keeping Her In The Present

Stop Keeping Her In The Present

Are you at a point in your marriage where your husband’s ex isn’t really in the picture?

And yet, despite that, do you keep thinking about her or worrying about how you measure up to her? 

If that’s the case, it’s time to come to terms with a harsh fact. The only person who won’t leave her in the past is you.

Your husband’s ex shouldn’t be continuing to pose a threat this far into the future.

Come to live in the present and leave her behind, and you won’t have to deal with her anymore.

Know How To Spot Red Flags

Know How To Spot Red Flags

It can definitely be difficult to see a partner get along well with their ex. That’s why the green-eyed monster comes out to play, after all. While it’s good to recognize when it’s all in your head, it’s also wise to be aware of any red flags that pop up.

A husband who ignores pre-established boundaries and invalidates your feelings is a red flag. An ex-girlfriend who keeps finding ways to insert herself into your lives and actively disrespects you is a red flag.

Both of these people having private conversations and spending a lot of time together constantly is a red flag. Learning to take note of warning signs can allow you to nip problems in the bud. 

Simply Don’t Deal With Her

Simply Don't Deal With Her

The truth is that an ex is just an ex: someone who’s in the past. It’s not your responsibility to “deal” with your husband’s ex-girlfriend. It’s his responsibility to put up safe boundaries and uphold your agreements of trust and loyalty. 

You don’t need to be directly involved with any dealings with your husband’s ex-girlfriend.

Keeping your distance can be a reasonable way to avoid any unnecessary conflict, especially if there’s no reason for you to interact.

Conclusion

The thought of someone else having been with your husband can be a little disconcerting.

In the end, you and your husband need to work as a team to handle any issues that involve his ex.

You’ll have to discuss boundaries, ensure continual trust, and maintain loyalty and limits.

It’s not always easy, but it’s part and parcel of nourishing a healthy relationship.

Need Extra Help?

If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.

Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.

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