My mother-in-law has a strong attachment to my husband and is very protective of him. It wasn’t until his mother moved in with us last year during the epidemic that our marriage became calm and joyful. She took over our kitchen and began preparing the meals for my husband and herself.
She was aware that I was on a diet, so she prepared meals for herself and my husband while keeping me out of their mealtimes. Every time my husband and I got into a fight about anything, she would force him to sleep with her as a result of our disagreement.
We both stopped communicating at some point over the course of many months, and my spouse continues to remind me that I should try harder.
I can’t stand being around this lady any longer, and it’s threatening to end my marriage.
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What to Do When Your In-Law Acts Like She’s Married To Your Husband
It’s natural that this is causing problems between you and your husband since you’re not receiving enough one-on-one time with him, which is critical in any relationship.
But it’s also worth noting that it seems as though your mother-in-law prefers to spend time with “her son” rather than “your husband.” Furthermore, she may be having difficulty adapting to the new surroundings, which is why she is taking such drastic steps to be with someone or something she is comfortable with, such as her son.
In such a scenario, communication may be very beneficial. You should have a clear and calm discussion with your mother-in-law alone about how and what her behaviour is hurting you.
It is necessary to inform her that her activities are creating a rift between you and your spouse, which you do not approve of.
Also, you and your husband need to have an honest, calm discussion about how all of this impacts you and your relationship and that he has to understand it. He, too, needs certain restrictions.
Finally, it is suggested that you try to shift your viewpoint a bit here and realize that there is a chance that no one is attempting to hurt anybody. And there’s a good chance that everyone in the house is dealing with their own problems, which may be acknowledged and addressed via open and honest conversation. Here are 10 tips which may help you when your MIL is ruling over your husband.
Understand the Situation
For some parents, their children will always remain their toddlers, no matter how old they are. It’s enjoyable to watch how his mother still prepares his favourite dish every time you come, or how his father insists on going camping or fishing with him over the holidays like they used to, but it’ll be irritating if they’re always fretting and babying him.
For example, if your in-laws are excessively concerned about his cold, suggesting that you are not taking better care of him than they did, bringing meals to your home needlessly, or refusing to trust him to make important life decisions with you.
Keep your calm and embrace the reality that loving parents will always shower their children with love in their own unique ways, as long as it’s safe and doesn’t damage your connection or marriage.
However, if those charming actions have become a nuisance to you, you should stop them right away. Even if it seems harsh, it’s critical that you set a limit for them.
Tell them you appreciate their assistance and advice, but you and your husband are trying to figure out how to navigate this marriage on your own so you can develop as a pair and become independent and self-sufficient.
Keep In Touch With Her On A Regular Basis
When you talk to her once or twice a week on a consistent basis, she won’t be scared that “you want anything” from her or that you’re just “buttering her up.” Keep the discussions light in the beginning.
Avoid Getting Into A Fight With Your Mother In Law
It does nothing and may even exacerbate existing problems.
Don’t be a pushover and let her walk all over you, but don’t go out of your way to make things easier for her.
Specify Your Limits
You must show respect to your mother-in-law. She isn’t your adversary. She is not, however, your master. She has no legal authority to impose restrictions on how you should care for your family.
It’s your decision, not hers. Make sure she doesn’t become involved in your marriage. You have the freedom to live your marital life as you want. Your mother-in-law hasn’t helped you at all. As a result, she has no authority over you.
You must never allow her to take control of your life. It will just make things more difficult for you and your husband.
Reassure Her As Much As Possible
It is critical that you convince your mother-in-law that you are not taking her place as the main lady in her son’s life. Encourage your spouse to spend time with her, ask her for her opinion at the dinner table, and to offer to take your in-laws out on a Sunday.
Let her know that your presence will not change her position or authority in the home. Your mother-in-law may even shut down other individuals who urge her to use manipulative tactics against you in this manner.
You must offer an olive branch in front of your spouse and other family members to cope with an emotionally manipulative mother-in-law. This is the most effective method to counteract her devious behaviour.
Do Not Involve Your Husband
Getting your husband involved in your mother-in-law dispute with you would only make matters worse. Even if your mother-in-law attempts to drag your husband into it, you must remain calm and tell him to stay out of it.
You and your mother-in-law are mature enough to handle the situation on your own. Otherwise, he’ll follow his mother’s advice and keep you at bay.
This is a fight best waged alone, whether you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive mother-in-law or one that is outright rude. Of course, you may seek counsel and support from other loved ones – friends and relatives – but keep your spouse out of the picture.
Acknowledge Your Husband As Well
Allowing your anger with your mother-in-law to ruin your relationship with your husband, who feels trapped between his mother and wife.
Understand why your spouse is behaving out, and make sure that your strained relationship with your mother-in-law has no effect on your marriage.
You may be able to cope with your manipulative mother-in-law with a grin on your face if you’re pleased in your relationship. Cut your guy some leeway, even if the marital dynamics are so distorted that you believe “my mother-in-law behaves like she is married to my husband.”
Once again, it is she who is to blame, not him. As a result, he shouldn’t be the one to carry the bulk of the blame.
Examine Your Own Actions
You must take a step back and consider how you interact with your mother-in-law. Honestly, if you see any faults in your behaviour, you must work to correct them.
Changing your conduct will very certainly cause her to alter hers as well. Deal with your in-laws with tact if they are rude.
It’s simple to say, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with my mother-in-law.” Hard work and effort are required to establish a connection with her and the rest of your husband’s family.
So, take a look at yourself and see what you can do to improve your relationship with your mother-in-law.
If All Else Fails, Keep Your Distance
If things don’t appear to be getting any better, persuade your spouse to relocate away from your mother-in-law. It’s OK if the combined family doesn’t work for everyone.
You’ll be able to have your own space and spend time with your spouse as a result of this. You may invite your mother-in-law to events from time to time to make her feel valued and significant.
A little distance may sometimes be the greatest cure to an emotionally manipulative mother-in-schemes. She’ll have less wiggle area to exert influence over your life or manage your connection with your spouse since she’s not there all the time and you’re sharing your personal space with her.
Be Unaffected
If none of the above-mentioned methods are effective, you may try quiet and chilly therapy. She will most likely back off and alter her behaviour once she sees that you are unaffected by her actions.
Take away her power to twist and control your marriage. Mind games and deceptive conduct taint anyone’s life.
As a result, you must take the necessary measures to maintain your emotional and mental health.
The Bottom Line
You’re not alone if you believe your mother-in-law behaves as if she’s married to your husband. Many women have dealt with an overbearing mother-in-law and have learned how to cope with her.
Discuss his mother’s conduct with your husband, and don’t be hesitant to have him speak out and establish appropriate boundaries between your families.
If you follow these suggestions for coping with a tough mother-in-law, you may just be able to avoid a major headache.
Need Extra Help?
If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.
Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
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