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How To Save My Marriage After I Cheated On My Husband? (NOT EASY BUT POSSIBLE!)

If your existence has ever fallen victim to infidelity by your significant other, the first question you must have had would be, why.

This very ‘why’ can have so many reasons, yet none of those reasons would calm you down in any way.

After all, infidelity is considered equivalent to cheating which isn’t tolerable in any healthy relationship. 

Let it be any reason; infidelity is equivalent to keeping your partner in the dark and stabbing a dagger in their back.

For some people, it feels like death or the end of the world. It is an act of cheating that can occur under many difficult circumstances and thus is classified under different types. 

But before we dive into this domain, let’s first obtain a clear understanding of what infidelity is, its types, and its consequences.

What is Infidelity?

The basic definition of infidelity is unfair, unfaithful and dishonest to your significant other. This can include getting into a sexual, physical or romantic relationship with somebody else while you have already committed to your partner.

Infidelity also includes breaking commitments, going against the codes you made with your partner or backstabbing them during the act.

Different people can commit the act of infidelity under other circumstances. Each case of infidelity is triggered from various causes, is different and fulfills a different need. Thus, infidelity is further classified into more types as it is a diverse act.   

Feeling Like You’ll Never Come Back From This?

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Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Just read this review that perfectly sums up what they can do for you:

My husband and I have talked about couples counseling and as frequency in arguments increased, we knew we had to figure something out before we headed for divorce. Cost of counseling was prohibitive so we’re glad we found Regain. I had my reservations about being virtually matched to a counselor because I’ve independently gone through 3 counselors and 2 of them made me feel like a dollar sign to them. Gretchen is by far the most capable counselor I’ve worked with. She is respectful, engaged, and very capable. This is my husband’s first experience with therapy and he had doubts/hesitation but opened right up to her, as did I. We’re only 3 sessions in but after each session, my husband and I hug and kiss and are enlightened. This is due to Gretchen’s skills in navigating our conversations and probing underlying issues with thoughtful questions. She also smiles here and there, encouraging us – important to feel that connection virtually.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

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Different Types of Infidelity

Emotional Infidelity

Have you ever felt like you have gotten super close to somebody else while being in a relationship? You may not have any physical or sexual intimacy in between, but do you feel too connected with the other person?

Maybe you are spending too much Time knowing your significant other is being neglected somewhere in your heart? This is what is defined as emotional infidelity. It is a new concept found between couples with unhealthy or even healthy relationships.

When you commit your life to somebody, there is no chance to look for other people. May it is to relieve your emotional needs or get your sexual needs fulfilled, your commitment to your significant other should be your priority. 

In other words, emotional infidelity is relationships with broken boundaries but devoid of sexual intimacy. It is a ubiquitous form of infidelity, as defined by the therapists.

Physical Infidelity

More commonly known as a sexual affair, physical infidelity is when one spouse or individual from a couple has extra-marital sexual relations. Examples of physical cheating can be hiring prostitutes or having one night stands. 

While emotional infidelity is a connection between two people who may not have sexual intimacy initially, physical infidelity is sexual intimacy with no emotions.

The concept of infidelity may vary from person to person. Therefore, it is vital to have a full-fledged understanding of what your partner considers infidelity.

Statistics and figures say a higher number of women are likely to forgive sexual affairs than men. However, to maintain your marital vows, it is essential to acknowledge the complete views of your partner on infidelity. 

Conflicted Romantic Infidelity

Who says you can’t love two people at once? Of course, you can! The conflicted romantic infidelity theory explains how. A lot of times, individuals from couples may feel lustfully attracted to others.

They may love their primary partner with all their heart, but they may feel passionate love towards the secondary partner they have just found.

Therefore, the probability of being in love with two partners is very high. However, this sort of romantic infidelity leads to great conflict. Thus, this type of infidelity is referred to as ‘conflicted romantic infidelity.

Commemorative Infidelity

The commemorative infidelity happens when a partner has no feelings for the other partner in a relationship. In this type of infidelity, the partners are only obligated to live together to put on a show. Otherwise, there is no such thing as sexual desire or love between them.

The commemorative infidelity is a big reason people justify cheating on their partners with somebody else. They lookout for a new partner because apparently, their primary partner is not fulfilling their sexual desires. 

Opportunistic Infidelity

As the name suggests, opportunistic infidelity revolves around a partner’s opportunities while already in a relationship. 

This form of infidelity occurs when the individual is in love with their partners but wants to get their sexual desires fulfilled through somebody else. This form of infidelity doesn’t need to occur because of an unhappy marriage. 

The circumstances of opportunistic infidelity vary. The individual may be under the influence of drugs, drinking, or being in a bad state of mind.

Consequences of Infidelity

Infidelity may not be a that big issue until the other partner gets to know about it. When individuals find out about their partner cheating on them, the consequences can be nerve-wracking.

The repercussions of infidelity can be both: long-term impactful and short-term impactful. Some of the effects can be as follow,

  • Complete loss of trust between the partners.
  • Stress, depression and forever long anxiety
  • Transmission of diseases to the innocent spouse through irrelevant sexual intercourse
  • Possibility of conceiving an unwanted child
  • The reputation of the family may take a terrible hit
  • Dissolving friendships
  • Recovery from the trauma of infidelity may be long and painful
  • A journey of emotional guilt
  • You may stay together but will still feel very lonely
  • Your kids (if any) will suffer along the way
  • If nothing works out, the relationship will be ended with a divorce

Can You Save Your Marriage After Infidelity?

Can You Save Your Marriage After Infidelity?

Marriage is the name of belief and trust, while infidelity is a betrayal of the most profound nature.

It is capable of breaking marriages and setting two partners distant apart. Many people who betray their significant other often have the question in their mind, can I save my marriage after infidelity?

The answer to this is, it depends. It depends on the situation you are in. Moreover, it also depends upon the other partner (their sentiments) in the relationship. 

Even when the emotional infidelity is committed, the impact and the hit can be intense on the other partner.

However, like it is said, it might be difficult but not impossible; we will help you save your marriage after infidelity by giving you the best and the most effective tips.

Ten Tips For Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity

Ten Tips For Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity

Open up to Your Spouse

You already made a mistake. It is fine! Stop creating more of them. Instead of being secretive and keeping things away from your spouse, gather your guts and open up.

Let them know what happened since day one, the reasons that initiated it, and how the process got triggered. Don’t be scared of the thought of leaving them. If they had to leave you, they would have done it when they fought about you backstabbing them.

Admit your Mistake

Having infidelity was a mistake made from your end. Send your ego away and gather up the courage to admit your mistake.

Admitting your fault definitely won’t make you look smaller, would it?

Instead, this will show your care for your partner and how shameful and in-remorse you are.

Stay Persistent, Don’t Lose Hope

Consistency is the key to success. This statement perfectly applies to this case. Once you open up to your spouse about the infidelity, there is a 90% probability of having an outburst.

This breakdown may stay for hours, days, weeks or even months. Likely, your spouse may not give any attention to you in the first few days. 

Losing hopes is like losing your marriage. To restore your marriage after infidelity, one should be willing to do anything to regain their relationship with the spouse. However, you need to stay persistent and keep trying until you succeed.

Express your Guilt

There is no shame in admitting you are guilty. Instead, it shows how big of a person you are. One of the most amazing ways to win your spouse’s trust back is by showing them how guilty you feel for your act. Express your guilt in the best way possible.

This will ensure your partner you are sorry for what you did. That will not only help you save your marriage but also win the long gone trust of your spouse back. 

Seeking Forgiveness Takes Time

Recognize that it may take some time for your partner to come to grips with the affair and accept you back into their life.

Because trust is such a delicate issue, there may be moments when some of your behaviours will set off their warning bells.

Recognize that being deceived is challenging to deal with; therefore, seeking total Forgiveness may take some time.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Always remember actions speak louder than words. How you act will inflict greatly upon your partner.

Remember that your actions and decisions caused the split in your marriage.

Try to figure out what prompted you to have an affair to avoid doing it again in the future. If you give it your best, almost everything can be sorted out.

Don’t Shut Down

Infidelity creates significant boundaries between you and your partner. After all the embarrassment, guilt, anger and sadness you have felt, you may want to shut it down and go away. However, the wise move is to stay.

It will help if you wait to reorganize yourself so you can start communicating with your partner more.

This will open doors to a happy marriage even after infidelity. Both the partners will find them even closer than before because now they can communicate their vulnerabilities to their partners.

All of this can be done without feeling the need to feel emotions like guilt, sadness and embarrassment.

Seek Help From A Marriage Counselor

Did you know that only around one-third of marriages survive adultery?

Couples who seek professional assistance from marital counsellors, marriage and family therapists, pastors, ministers, priests, and infidelity recovery coaches (like myself) have a far better chance of surviving.

There is, however, a catch. It’s not simply about asking for assistance. Accepting help and staying with it is also equally important.

Get Closer To Your Partner

When you are done grieving over the action you took, now is the Time to get close to your partner and let go of the walls built up between the ways.

To help you communicate better during the restoration stage, try to see things from your spouse’s perspective, but also focus on striking a balance between repairing your old connection and developing a new, stronger one.

Fall In Love With Your Spouse Once Again

What happened is now in the past. There is no need to grieve over it again and let go of the moments you have in the present.

Find new reasons to fall in love with your spouse, and the only person you’ll be having an affair with will be them over and over again.

Every day find a new way to love your spouse and make every moment worthwhile to remember.

The Bottom Line

Saving a marriage after infidelity isn’t easy; it can be labelled as complex in literal words. However, it is still doable and possible. All you need to do is stay open, keep positive and stay willing. Here’s to a happier and healthier marriage! 

The following tips will not only be of a great help to save your failing marriage but it can also help you achieve and maintain a relationship that you never have had before with your spouse. Infidelity is disrespecting your relationship with your spouse. It can badly affect things in the long run. It can potentially lead to divorce too. 

However, we have compiled the best and the most effective techniques and tips to save your marriage after infidelity. These strategies are proven by a lot of people and have significantly helped them too.

If you have a failing marriage because of infidelity, take a look at these 10 tips and incorporate them to save your marriage!

Enjoyed this? Make Sure to read these next:

How To Live With An Emotionally Distant Husband (6 STRATEGIES THAT WORK)

What to Say When a Boy Breaks Your Daughters Heart

Need Extra Help?

If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.

Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.