Marriage is a true commitment and dedication to one person, and as beautiful as marriage is, there are some really serious differences that a husband and wife might have.
One of the biggest issues that married couples run into is one partner wanting to have a baby, but the other doesn’t. It is likely that you and your partner would have spoken about having children before getting married, but things change, and your husband may have hoped that your views would change over time.
What do you do if you don’t want a baby but your husband does?
There is no easy answer to this, other than you and your husband having open and honest conversations about it. The two of you being honest with yourselves about your reasoning and why you feel the way you do.
If this is an issue that you are having in your marriage, read on to find out what you could try to do to move forward without it harming your relationship…
Feeling Stuck?
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Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
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“My husband and I have talked about couples counseling and as frequency in arguments increased, we knew we had to figure something out before we headed for divorce. Cost of counseling was prohibitive so we’re glad we found Regain. I had my reservations about being virtually matched to a counselor because I’ve independently gone through 3 counselors and 2 of them made me feel like a dollar sign to them. Gretchen is by far the most capable counselor I’ve worked with. She is respectful, engaged, and very capable. This is my husband’s first experience with therapy and he had doubts/hesitation but opened right up to her, as did I. We’re only 3 sessions in but after each session, my husband and I hug and kiss and are enlightened. This is due to Gretchen’s skills in navigating our conversations and probing underlying issues with thoughtful questions. She also smiles here and there, encouraging us – important to feel that connection virtually.“
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
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When You Don’t Want A Baby But Your Husband Does
Understanding Your Reasons
Some women know from early on that they do not want to have children, and that is absolutely fine. There is nothing forcing a woman to have a baby, and if she decides not to, she honestly does not have to explain herself to anyone else.
However, the decision to not have children comes later on in life for some women too. This decision could be brought on from experiences that they have had, and where they are in their life right now.
If you find that you are happily married but do not want to have children, but your husband does, it can be a difficult subject to approach. It is a good idea to look at your reasons as to why you do not want children, so you can speak openly with your husband.
Some of the reasons you might not want a baby could include:
Responsibility
Simply, you might not want the added responsibility that a baby brings. It is a huge commitment to make, and a new baby will consume so much of your time and life. It is actually a really mature view to have, understanding that you do not want the added responsibility.
It can be so overwhelming just thinking about how your life might change with a baby, and the prospect can be scary.
Free Time
You might love having your free time to do what you want, and a baby in the picture takes away from this. The same goes for your career, you might be worried that a new baby might put a halt on your career, or even end your career or stop it from progressing.
You are comfortable in your life and you are not looking for anything to change this.
Problems In Your Past
If you had experienced a bad childhood or even just small things that made you feel as though bringing a child into the world might not be all roses, it could put you off having a baby.
Real-life experiences can make you see how having a baby could be difficult, even if your home would be a much better place to raise a baby than where you were raised. These concerns are completely valid and are something to listen to.
How To Compromise
There honestly isn’t really an easy decision to meet halfway with your partner when you don’t want a baby but he does, as there is either a baby or there isn’t.
It isn’t necessarily a situation where you find one simple solution and move on, it is a process that both husband and wife need to be committed to going through.
The first and most important question that both of you need to ask yourself is this:
Is a baby worth losing your partner over?
If the answer is no, then the both of you have chosen to put each other first, and you can move forward together to find a way to keep the both of you happy and satisfied in the relationship.
If one of you answers yes, then it is a huge red flag that maybe the intentions behind the marriage are not what they should be.
The road after this is then one where there is open discussion and respect for how your partner feels and just trying to understand their point of view.
You also have to ask yourself about resentment. Would your partner resent you for not having children when he always wanted them? Or would you resent him for having kids when you didn’t want it?
These are incredibly difficult situations and emotions to navigate. Plus there is no way to see into the future.
You can say you’re fine today but fast-forward ten or twenty years and these hidden emotions and regrets can surface.
Having More Children
A common problem in marriages is not having a baby, but having another baby. Once you have had one or two children, your partner might push the idea of having another. As a mother, and possibly the one who cares for your child or children the most, you might be completely done with the idea of more children.
In this case, it is more expected that your husband understands your point. You haven’t denied having children and you have built a family already, but you might just feel as though another child could be too much.
Focus On Your Marriage
You need to understand that you not wanting to have a baby can be hard on your husband, and you need to be able to support him through this, even though you might feel guilty that you are the one denying him what he wants.
The last thing you should do is have a baby if you do not want to have a baby. Yes, he is your husband, but it is your life, and you do have the biggest say in how your life plays out.
While there is no easy answer to this, you and your husband should focus on your marriage, and spend your time loving and appreciating each other. You never know what might happen in the future, one of you might change your mind, or neither of you might change your mind.
Whatever the case, always put each other first, and make a point of celebrating each other, remind yourself of why you are married, and find new reasons to love each other every day.
Need Extra Help?
If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.
Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
Found this helpful? Make sure to check out our other posts:
Husband Says He Loves Me But Is Unhappy