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Husband Doesn’t Care When I Cry (10 TIPS!)

In a marriage, you want to feel loved, supported, and cared for. This is especially true in hard times of intense emotions. As such, it’s only natural that when you cry, you’d want your husband’s comfort.

But what if your husband doesn’t comfort you when your tears start to flow? In fact, what if he seems totally oblivious? That can be a painful and confusing experience as a spouse. Here’s what you can do about it.

Feeling Like You’ll Never Come Back From This?

You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to start improving your relationship. If you are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.

Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Just read this review that perfectly sums up what they can do for you:

My husband and I have talked about couples counseling and as frequency in arguments increased, we knew we had to figure something out before we headed for divorce. Cost of counseling was prohibitive so we’re glad we found Regain. I had my reservations about being virtually matched to a counselor because I’ve independently gone through 3 counselors and 2 of them made me feel like a dollar sign to them. Gretchen is by far the most capable counselor I’ve worked with. She is respectful, engaged, and very capable. This is my husband’s first experience with therapy and he had doubts/hesitation but opened right up to her, as did I. We’re only 3 sessions in but after each session, my husband and I hug and kiss and are enlightened. This is due to Gretchen’s skills in navigating our conversations and probing underlying issues with thoughtful questions. She also smiles here and there, encouraging us – important to feel that connection virtually.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you

What To Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Care When If You Cry

Ask Him Why He Doesn’t React

Ask Him Why He Doesn't React

You can’t decide what to do about your husband’s “lack of care” if you don’t know why it’s happening.

So start by directly asking why he doesn’t react to your tears. His explanation will help you decide what to do next. It’ll also open up the table for communication about how to solve the issue.

You can work together to overcome whatever is stopping him from showing that he cares.

If It Happens Mid-Conflict, Get Some Space

If It Happens Mid-Conflict, Get Some Space

When there’s conflict, emotions run high. It’s not uncommon for the tears to well up without you being able to control them.

It’s a completely valid response to a stressful and upsetting situation. But when the waterworks start pouring mid-fight, it can end up being accidentally manipulative.

Seeing you sob might make your husband feel like he can’t stand up for his point anymore.

He might feel that it’s unfair that he’s now in a position where continuing to make his case could be perceived as mean. 

This might be why he’s stopped reacting to your tears. He may feel that they’re an unfair mechanism. He may worry that he’ll just give in to whatever you want if he acts more caring.

That’s why it’s best to take a breather when the tears start flowing. That way, you can both put a pause on the conflict and come back later with a clearer head.

If you explain why you need space to think and breathe first, your husband should understand and respect your rationality.

Communicate Your Needs

Communicate Your Needs

Sometimes, a husband might clam up and shut down when you cry because he doesn’t know what to do.

He enters panic mode and freezes, unsure how to best respond. Communicating your needs can help to easily overcome this problem.

While you can communicate what you need at the moment, you can also talk about it outside of high-emotion situations. Explain to him what your tears mean and how you prefer to be comforted.

That way, he’ll be prepared to help you and be by your side next time!

Don’t Let Yourself Be Invalidated

Don't Let Yourself Be Invalidated

Does your husband not care about your tears because he thinks you’re too sensitive? This is a bad sign!

You’re allowed to have feelings and it’s pretty normal to want to receive understanding or empathy for them. So stand your ground and be firm about the validity of those feelings!

Emotions aren’t something you can dictate. There are indeed ways to regulate the way you express these feelings. But on the whole, crying isn’t just a form of expression.

It’s also a healthy way to release and relieve those emotions so you don’t bottle them up. If you’re being told that you shouldn’t cry, ever, because it’s just “drama” or “overly sensitive behavior”, that’s not healthy.  

Find Other Support Systems

Find Other Support Systems

While you work out your issues with your husband, you’ll continue to need a healthy support system.

To begin with, it’s not a great idea to solely rely on one individual for support.

If you’ve been relying only on your husband, you’ll need to widen your circle! Vent to friends, talk to family members and even seek support groups for the problems you face.

These systems will help to maintain healthy emotional expression and give you much-needed support. 

Consider How Often You Cry

Consider-How-Often-You-Cry

For some people, crying only occurs in very serious distress. For others, they cry much more easily.

While both are totally valid, the category you fall into can affect how others perceive your tears.

If your tears start falling at every small stressor, your husband may view these common occurrences as ones you can handle.

He may also not have sufficient emotional energy to comfort you when you’re crying every day or be desensitized to it completely!

Destigmatize Crying 

Destigmatize Crying 

A lot of men are taught from a young age that crying is a sign of weakness. He may have learned that tears are unproductive, unimportant, or pointless.

If that’s the case with your husband, chances are that he’s learned not to cry, even when he may need to. 

This can extend to the way he views your crying. He may not know how to react because he doesn’t think crying should be done.

He may feel resentful that you’re able to cry and he isn’t.

Or perhaps he thinks it’s shameful and is trying to be tactful by giving you time to hide this “embarrassing” behavior!

So, what should you do? You can help to destigmatize the act of crying by being open about why it’s helpful. You can discuss common mental health movements that push back against the idea that men shouldn’t cry. You can show support for his emotions and validate them.

The bottom line is that this perspective that crying equals weakness will take time to unlearn.

Express Gratitude When He Shows Care

Express Gratitude When He Shows Care

When your husband finally shows some support or care when you cry, lavish him with praise.

Thank him for giving you support and express how much you appreciate his actions.

Be clear that he’s truly helping you and that what he’s doing is working for you. This will reinforce the idea that he’s capable of being of assistance. He’ll be encouraged to continue this way of showing care.

Get Couple’s Therapy

Get Couple's Therapy

It can feel uncomfortable to turn to professional help for marital problems. But there’s a reason that trained and licensed marriage counselors exist!

Having an impartial, professional third party to moderate and provide guidance in your relationship can be helpful.

It’ll bring new light to your problems and show both you and your husband how to manage your issues.

If He Really, Truly Doesn’t Care, Leave

If He Really, Truly Doesn't Care, Leave

If your communication and efforts aren’t getting you the care you need, you’ll need to start questioning the marriage.

You deserve to feel supported and loved in your relationship. If you aren’t receiving that much-needed care, you and your husband may not be compatible.

It may be time to consider getting out.

Conclusion…

Emotions can be confusing. Sometimes, your husband may just not know how to handle your crying. He may care, but be unsure how to show it.

He may not care, signaling that the marriage may need professional help – or to come to an end.

Or the true answer could be somewhere in between. Whatever the case, knowing how to handle his perceived indifference can make all the difference for what happens next.

Need Extra Help?

If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about fixing your marriage and avoiding a divorce, take a second to look into Regain.

Regain offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?

CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.

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